“But they told me… I’m meant to be faithful… and walk when not able… and fight till the end… but I’m only human.”

-Michael Jackson, Will You Be There?

Yes, Michael was a radiant light that continues to shower the world with his profound love. But Michael’s love and light was only strengthened by his human journey into the darkness, as is true with all of us. Nothing makes us stronger than when we have been taken to our knees – the darkness of our soul – to move past all that is blocking us from our Divine Light. Yet, it is only once we are there that we can rise up with greater wisdom, depth and insight into who we truly are — a child of God — and live from that place that is our soul.

Chapter 18 of my book, Michael Jackson: The Man in Our Mirror, A Reflection of Our Collective Soul, was one of the deepest, most challenging and painful chapters for me to write. It took me over a month to actually finish the first draft because of all of the emotions that came up for me.

In this chapter, I share what I call the “dark” years for Michael — a time frame roughly between the early ‘90s through the 2005 trial. As much as I would’ve loved to skirt over this soul wrenching time, I knew if I was to write an honest and hopefully heart moving account of Michael’s life as I experienced it, this all had to be included if we were really to glean from the messages he left for us in this lifetime.


Whether it is Michael Jackson or ourselves, we often don’t want to acknowledge the darkness within, much less speak honestly about the painful and uncomfortable experiences of our lives. Of course! Because it is painful. Who wants to deal with that?! So it’s natural to want to run as far and as fast as we can from that place, pretending that our past hurts don’t exist or ever happened. Yet they did happen and from what I have learned on my personal journey of growth and sometimes labored awakening, is that if we DON’T look at our painful stuff—the baggage of sadness, shame, guilt, insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, secrets of abuse or whatever else it might be—it follows us like the scary boogie man that never lets the child in us sleep peacefully at night.

Here is what I know for sure: Until we look at our pain head on and feel it to its depths from THIS present moment, we cannot move forward. And even though the years of our life march on, we stay stuck, blocked, and unable to fully take in all the beauty and bountiful gifts that life has to offer. In fact, not wanting to acknowledge our past darkness ironically keeps us in the dark. Ugh!

What I have learned is that the greatest gifts lie within our deepest pain. And when we look at our darkness with courage and honesty, taking it straight into our soul, feeling it all by shedding the light of our awareness where it needs to be, only then do we have the possibility of releasing, of letting it go, and of freeing ourselves once and for all! Only then do we break free from its limiting and deathly grip. Only then can we integrate it all, owning IT, no matter what IT is, while transforming our hearts like Angelica Houston’s character in Captain EO… from darkness to light, from ugliness to beauty, from separateness to wholeness, from fear to love. Ah! Now that is alchemy and the foundation of miracles in our lives! Yay!

Michael’s journey – God bless his amazing soul — was no different from ours. He was a human like the rest of us. He struggled. He had his darkness, his insecurities, his feelings of inadequacy, his arrested development from a painful childhood, his ego tendencies, and yes, his mistakes. He was not exempt; he too had to walk the same path life asks us all to walk when those “demons” from our past come racing to the surface… for healing. Nope, it’s not pretty. In fact, it’s usually quite messy. But oh so purposeful… and with the greatest gift!

God bless us.

So, Chapter 18, “Into the Darkness: A Journey Into Ego”… yes, it was painful for me, but I had Michael as my guide, showing me the way through feeling his presence all the while, wanting me to write it as I saw it and experienced it, even as “harsh” as it felt at times. Ouch. But sometimes life is harsh and that’s ok. It’s not about what happens to us, rather it’s what we do with what happens and how we choose to be as a result. Michael chose love. And we can too when we use his reflection to look at the darkness in our own soul and walk through it boldly. In my own vulnerability I can say that have found my greatest strength; the only way out is through.

When we embrace Michael’s darkness, we embrace our own. When we heal our hearts of our past wounds, we bring wholeness and light back to our world!


Thank you, once again, for your reflection, Michael!

God bless us all!
With light and love always,